7-20-96 how to let go…

Not for lack of focus
Not for seeing something brilliant
Just a settling of damp earth in a shallow trench
The last spade of which was pitched longer ago
Than I’m willing to admit

Perhaps the irony of the clothed nudity that we share
Has awakened me to let go the cooling handle
Of a door closed
The slow register of hearing another open
And not wanting to walk through
Not now,
My claims of already left weak and selfish
Too challenged to accept another
Too stubborn to lean against the barn door,
Sigh and move on.

I thank you for saving me from myself
You and the power of the Goddess, gray but true
I already have more than imagined, more than grasped at
The difference between needed and wanted clear
That happiness is a creature of the moment, a visitor
Not a room mate or a partner
With a face I recognize but forget from time to time
I’m not exempt
Just the other side of the equation
Not less than,
Not more than,
Just the other side.