9-3-91 Fear


“Where you afraid?”
“Did it scare you?”
People ask you to join them
So lonely they will not be
Cheap tourists looking for a group rate on fear
(Excursions leave three times daily)
Mine and theirs need not be the same
We laugh and cry when we hear
What others around us hate and fear.

For now it is not death or pain
Inevitable,relative “tough I” say
My ride there’s room for only one
All full this hardened battered craft
Across the river Styx
To Gilligan’s Island,I suppose
Are my fears so insignificant?

I fear I may not write someday
and grow my spirit higher
I fear I will not find the words
to open doors ahead
I fear my head will beat my heart
or follow them out of order
I fear I’ll never be intimate
with any one or thing
I fear that all I’ve had’s a fluke

God will catch up,take away
The beauty,subtle moments,irony
Memory,the illusion
That what I’ve felt was all wrong
That I never loved or wanted
That passion never visited
The pain of her eyes turning away
The heat of a hand brushing my neck
Rising gooseflesh from the smell of passing beauty
Genuine deeds deemed insincere.