6-14-94 beauty and strength

Light reflecting shadows upon a carnival mirror heart
The smell of it rides the breeze
Deep into the carnal level of the soul
I insist on being seduced by your beauty and your strength
Even as it’s dispatched by my hands

I read smiles and backturns as if they were novels
I count the words as if I was being paid by the syllable
My mind turns against me, aims and fires

A ship without a harbor, a port without hold
I look to the hill for the house that will keep me there
The lot is empty, the structure unbuilt
My heart cries for a home from the cold

I am honest as I tiptoe through this garden
And wonder if I could know the difference
Between what I know and what is here
If I demolish foundations of a building of a future
Or if I’m writing on a wet napkin again and again…
To learn to allow things to grow on their own
To push when the time’s right, not when fear calls
To listen when something’s said, not implied
To love when love is there to share
To be a part of something rather that to create scenarios
To see it coming rather than reflecting
To find trust and my place in the world

Returning from my path and seeing a home
More than a place
More than a commitment
More than I have right now
If I sound ungrateful, I’m not
Just under the spell of mating season
And lost from the pack today.