{"id":734,"date":"2006-11-03T11:09:05","date_gmt":"2006-11-03T17:09:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/wordpress\/writing\/1991\/7-17-91-relief-shame-pain\/"},"modified":"2020-06-05T19:45:13","modified_gmt":"2020-06-06T00:45:13","slug":"7-17-91-relief-shame-pain","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/?page_id=734","title":{"rendered":"7-17-91 Relief, Shame, Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"fb_share_1\" style=\"clear:left; float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-top:10px;;width: 55px;\" name=\"fb_share\"><div id=\"fb-root\"><\/div><script src=\"http:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/all.js#appId=125029517579627&amp;xfbml=1\"><\/script><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/?page_id=734\" send=\"false\" layout=\"box_count\" width=\"55\" show_faces=\"false\" font=\"arial\"><\/fb:like><\/div><p>La Coruna, Spain<\/p>\n<p>Every day I grow a little<br \/>\nMore old, willing, thankful&#8230;in a way<br \/>\nMy hand opens, releasing hold<br \/>\nSun returning, warming, running up my fingers;<br \/>\nSometimes the fear prevents me from feeling<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s touch<br \/>\nA denial of moments past<br \/>\nFreedom.<\/p>\n<p>Not asked for, never realizing how the struggle<br \/>\nWould someday be so hard<br \/>\nMy trying to skip the golden time<br \/>\nAs if I did not deserve the time to grow<br \/>\nOr feel<br \/>\nOr wonder<br \/>\nWhich rituals better judged than experienced.<\/p>\n<p>A little head filled with non-stop sounds<br \/>\nWanting to mute the sad and wonderful music<br \/>\nThat filled each day<br \/>\nNever could I picture the success<br \/>\nAt which the silence blanketed that meadow<br \/>\nThat now I wrestle every peep through layers<br \/>\nMasoned by my own unscarred hand.<\/p>\n<p>And yet I can feel and act now<br \/>\nMy mind saying you are born, now grow<br \/>\nMy heart wanting to return<br \/>\nRevise, rewrite, relive the little history<br \/>\nThat I claim and call my own<br \/>\nOnly breezes of the mind<br \/>\nThat blew then visit where I am<br \/>\nI travel perhaps hoping that those days<br \/>\nSit waiting for a second view<br \/>\nThe air could be tainted by time<br \/>\nBut a trigger all the same;<br \/>\nMoments of initiation shaping this vessel<br \/>\nThat I now proudly hand the tiller of away<br \/>\nThen grab it back whenever<br \/>\nThe Water&#8217;s black or blue..<\/p>\n<p>Maybe now will come a time<br \/>\nWhen I can bare myself<br \/>\nWithout the shame that binds me<br \/>\nTo feel the radiance touch through<br \/>\nThe sweat, selfless appreciation<br \/>\nPerhaps the pain of having too much<br \/>\nOf letting go things familiar<br \/>\nMy hand richer for being empty<br \/>\nFor what can you pick up<br \/>\nIf both of your hands are full?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>La Coruna, Spain Every day I grow a little More old, willing, thankful&#8230;in a way My hand opens, releasing hold Sun returning, warming, running up my fingers; Sometimes the fear prevents me from feeling It&#8217;s touch A denial of moments past Freedom. Not asked for, never realizing how the struggle Would someday be so hard [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":724,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"spay_email":""},"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/PeNcU-bQ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/734"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=734"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/734\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4421,"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/734\/revisions\/4421"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bittermancircle.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}