6/14/94- beauty and strength

                                                            6/14/94
 
                 beauty and strength
 
 Light reflecting shadows upon a carnival mirror heart
 The smell of it rides the breeze
 Deep into the carnal level of the soul
 I insist on being seduced by your beauty and your strength
 Even as it's dispatched by my hands
 
 I read smiles and backturns as if they were novels
 I count the words as if I was being paid by the syllable
 My mind turns against me, aims and fires
 
 A ship without a harbor, a port without hold
 I look to the hill for the house that will keep me there
 The lot is empty, the structure unbuilt
 My heart cries for a home from the cold
 
 I am honest as I tiptoe through this garden
 And wonder if I could know the difference
 Between what I know and what is here
 If I demolish foundations of a building of a future
 Or if I'm writing on a wet napkin again and again...
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 To learn to allow things to grow on their own
 To push when the time's right, not when fear calls
 To listen when something's said, not implied
 To love when love is there to share
 To be a part of something rather that to create scenarios
 To see it coming rather than reflecting
 To find trust and my place in the world
 
 Returning from my path and seeing a home
 More than a place
 More than a commitment
 More than I have right now
  If I sound ungrateful, I'm not
 Just under the spell of mating season
 And lost from the pack today.