9/3/91- Fear

                                          9/3/91
                             Indianapolis,Indiana
 
                 Fear
 
         "Where you afraid?"
         "Did it scare you?"
         People ask you to join them
         So lonely they will not be
         Cheap tourists looking for a group rate on fear
         (Excursions leave three times daily)
         Mine and theirs need not be the same
         We laugh and cry when we hear
         What others around us hate and fear.
 
         For now it is not death or pain
         Inevitable,relative "tough I" say
         My ride there's room for only one
         All full this hardened battered craft
         Across the river Styx
         To Gilligan's Island,I suppose
         Are my fears so insignificant?
 
         I fear I may not write someday
                 and grow my spirit higher
         I fear I will not find the words
              to open doors ahead
         I fear my head will beat my heart
             or follow them out of order
         I fear I'll never be intimate
             with any one or thing
         I fear that all I've had's a fluke
 
         God will catch up,take away
         The beauty,subtle moments,irony
         Memory,the illusion
         That what I've felt was all wrong
         That I never loved or wanted
         That passion never visited
         The pain of her eyes turning away
         The heat of a hand brushing my neck
         Rising gooseflesh from the smell of passing beauty
         Genuine deeds deemed insincere.