The quiet moments of doubt
The length of an inhale
When your mind reminds you that stars are ebony
And dogs never smile

God lifts his hand to wipe sweat from his brow
(how you miss the touch)
Free fall fear pulls your comfortable rug out from your tiny life
Rivers stop and trees drop all their leaves at once

And all that you know
And all that you think you might dream
Vanishes soundlessly
A question of existence

Do I be…

Fragile thoughts in scarred hands weigh heavily
In that moment
Waiting for an acknowledgment
Of what is

I look to others with pain and fear in my narrowing eyes
They have no answers
Everything but
Anything but
How would they know what it is for me to feel
Wanted
Desired
Whole

Testosterone pride shrugs off the question
And shields anyone from seeing the scared little boy
Pulling on his strong leg demanding an answer
Tears furrowing canyons in his cheek

And the moment passes

And I am left with the silence

And the feeling that something large and shadowy has passed

Behind my head
And that I’ll never know what it is to be a man.