Madrid
Easter weekend

I wonder what it is that has me spooked
My head a nest of birds
With a cat on the branch
DNA in his eyes
The review has been reopened
The theories stacked like cordwood
In the cold winter rain

Can one be content with fear?
Will His will approach my needs or wishes?
Could I actually act to achieve anything
on my own behalf?
Am I to stand alone before, after and during?

One wonders…
Content shame distances me
From family and friends
I do pretty well accepting
What I’ve become
But the thought of their thoughts
Keeps control an issue

I pretend not to have fun
I paint myself into dark purple corners
Belittle the freedom of non commitment and irresponsibility
Savor the virtues of solitude
Continue to bark up the wrong forest
One tree at a time

If actions speak louder than words
Perhaps that is why I talk
And write
So much
When low pressure mounts, I’m convinced
That life is pulling me through
That footfalls were learned
So that others would not notice or bother me
To act in an action-like fashion
Bluster, blather, busy work

Will the fear of intimacy or isolation
Succeed in folding the wet paper walls
Of each other
Any time soon…

These are some fears
They are not quite facts
They sometimes are a reality
On this unreal trip I’m on
So I must remember
That I am a man
Flesh and blood
Mind and spirit
Traveling through my own perspective of time
Not really afraid
Not really in control
Not really standing still
Not really alone

And a pause for a breath
A feeling of relief
A feeling of thanks
A quick look in
A quick look out
A moment of acceptance
A glimpse of beauty
A pang of sorrow
A smile, a laugh

Not convinced, but ever so much better in that
Mental Aerobics can be a discipline too
so…

Today was a day of
Rebirth, sin, sacrifice and faith
Very much like yesterday
Probably much like tomorrow

Here I am
As I am
Today

A child of God
On Earth
On dry land
In Madrid, Spain

In a hotel room
On a bed
Writing these words
Naked outside and in
A few hours before work
In lieu of sleep

There. Fears out of head and on paper.