This one
just flew by and it wasn’t like I was terribly busy. I think there was
a total of about 12-13 weeks of touring work, pretty light any way you
look at it. I had the chance to be there for my sister’s wedding, get
some surgery done on my hands, the start of my wife’s new business and
the relandscaping of our backyard.
Angela asked me earlier today what my thought were
on the year, what I would remember of 2004. I think my initial response
was “Not too much incoming but a lot to be grateful for…” Pretty
shabby thing to say, but I guess I was feeling shabby at the time. I
don’t entirely gauge my year on how much money I make; my spiritual
lessons aside, so much of who I am is tied up in my work. There is a
dreadful saying in my business (and I’m sure it’s used in others),
“You’re only as good as your last gig.” I need to put this down so I
can be rid of it, if only for an evening.
I am healthy, in a strong, committed relationship
based on love and trust, I’m not behind on my bills, my friends, family
and pets are all well and I seem to have snapped out of the freeze I
was in following the Carpal surgery. I have not been swept out to
sea, blown up, diagnosed, served, arrested, assaulted or harmed in any
real way. I offer my thanks for these blessings and humbly ask to be
watched over until midnight so we can all try it again.
I send my thoughts out to my friends and family who
are spending their first New Years without that someone special by
their side. I send my thoughts to my brother who doesn’t have a choice
of venues this evening. To my two nephews I pray that they are safe,
happy and warm tonight and forever. To my parents I hope that they know
what wonderful people they are and how lucky I feel to have been
presented by them to this world. Finally to Angela and Sterling, who
are my home, my family and my friends no matter where I am physically
or mentally; I love you.

I’ve had four straight nights of work related dreams
(which, when remembered, are the only kind I seem to have) that all can
be interpreted as either wishes or perhaps premonitions of coming
challenges. Each one asked different things of me; the first asked my
availability, the second of why my output of creativity had diminished,
the third was whether my pride would prevent me from taking a
not-so-glamorous job and the last dealt with the road person’s constant
companion, the Fear.
The Fear will be the subject of the first Bitterman
podcast coming this week; I’m writing this because in the same way that
I make tax appointments to get me to organize my receipts, I’m hoping
it will get me to produce show #1. The Fear will be a good topic for
starters.
I hope you are safe and warm tonight, avoiding the
amateurs on the road and with someone who is glad you are alive.

See you in 2005.