I'm figuring that there are some new rules in place in Vegas that they didn't share with me when I arrived....
1) If your breasts are larger than a 12 year olds head, you are only allowed to wear the bottom half of a shirt.
2) The more your disposable drink glass looks like a racetrack trumpet, the lower your IQ will be by morning.
3) Adding a buck or two to items that are the same price from coast to
coast will be overlooked as the experience of having your wallet
molested is a 24/7 feeling. You literally feel like money is leaking
out of you like grease out of a $7 hamburger.
4) For girls: if you hump up against another pretty girl in front of
guys, they'll really like you. They won't think you're gay, just
really, really friendly...
5) For guys: if you see a girl you think is pretty, use profanity
extremely loud in her direction or mention her favorite body in vulgar
terms. She'll really like you; she won't think you're an ignorant,
immature pig, just really, really friendly.
6) Wearing Brittany Spears-like low rider pants and short baby t-shirts
a size too small when you're 30-90 pounds overweight or even three
times Brittany's age is really attractive. Oh, and guys dig
stretchmarks; they're in this year.
7) Overconfidence is the new humility.
8) Humility is the new terrorism.
9) We're not telling you what to like or dislike; we're just not offering you an alternative.
10) If you're from a Red state, you can act like you're from a Blue
state; if you're from a Blue state you can act like you're from a
burning barn. If you're from France, you can act like you're from the
Ukraine. If you're from Vegas you can act like you're making a living.
Bye... see you next time!
11:26:20 AM 
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